This blog is more of a rant than guidance. We should have learned these lessons before we entered kindergarten. But my heart hurts and my belly gets tight when I think of some recent family/friend gatherings over the holiday, when I think of some professionals I recently heard in conversation.
As a communications coach, I talk a LOT about what I love and encourage. This is the opposite of that.
I don’t like mean.
I don’t like it when people talk about other human beings in an unkind manner.
I don’t like it when people make fun of others.
I don’t like ignorance.
I’ve always been that girl who says, “…that’s not funny. It’s unkind/dangerous/racist.”
People reply to me with, “you don’t get it. It’s not real. I wouldn’t say it to their face. You’re too nice. Lighten up. Etc.”
But I do get it. Words have power and they permeate our culture and brains and habits and obviously become reality. There’s too much unkindness. There’s too much violence. There’s too much hate.
I don’t like humor that makes fun of your culture, your skin tone, the shape of your eyes, your accent… I don’t like humor that bonks you on the head, that shows you doing something dangerous only to have you actually land in a crumpled mess. Too many people repeat these behaviors because they’ve already seen it, heard it, shared it, and laughed…
I applaud real humor that exaggerates daily life, that a great comedian makes us snort because the obvious is such a great one-liner. I love to laugh. I love clever. This summer my daughter was chuckling over some “family-friendly teen sitcom” – it was so full of stereotypes and mean girls, I couldn’t stand it. I said, “find something clever and I’ll actually sit down with you, eat cupcakes, and laugh together.” She found Grace and Frankie on Netflix with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, we went on a bender… binge-watched the series over three days and a dozen cupcakes.
I have a pretty good sense of humor, I’d say. I laugh a lot, so I’m no prudish stick ‘n the mud. I have plenty of self-confidence so I won’t mind if you (like my girls) tell a funny story about my intensity, or my desire to clean, or my cackling laugh, or my bold dance moves… but choose kindness. Be inclusive. Choose smart over sassy.
I’m raising two teenagers from other countries. They’re delightful and bright and hilarious. They know how to acclimate and maneuver. They soak in the cultural norms from the people around them. I can tell you, I wish they didn’t have to fully embrace all that they perceive as “normal.” I don’t appreciate that adults I’ve known for years would share jokes with my children that are clearly poking fun at another culture. I don’t appreciate that I then heard those jokes come out of my children’s mouths. My girls know better. And yet… they hear disrespect on TV, in music, in video, in the hallways at school, from other families…
I can assure you that I spoke firmly to the adult. I can assure you I had an open dialogue with my children about why these jokes are harmful. We are in constant conversation.
But there are too many other people who choose to be silent.
That silence is causing hurt, loneliness, sadness, and so much violence.
Please use your voice to soothe. To support. To show solidarity.
This blog by A Musing by Marlee might help get you started around the proverbial water cooler: “To The White Parents of My Black Son’s Friends”.
Ignorance and racism and unkindness have nothing to do with skin color or culture. These elements from the dark side are expressed around the world by all kinds of people. We can choose differently.
It would be so powerful if 2016’s resolutions included more goals to facilitate thoughtful conversations, to increase diversity in your own home and workplace, to speak up in the face of ignorance.
#SpeakWellLeadWell #UseYourVoice
